Photo taken at Krog Tunnel in Atlanta
One of my biggest dreams has been to live in Paris – I
attempted to make it happen a few times when I was younger, but I was always
too unorganized and it never worked out. I never had the opportunity to study
abroad there either, so when we went our trip there in July – words cannot
describe how ecstatic I was. It was everything I had ever hoped and dreamed it
would be – and of course I didn’t want to go home! ;) But at the same time
there was a lingering sadness inside of me. I was torn on what was the cause
and through out the whole trip I tried to pinpoint it. Was I sad because I had
finally made it to Paris, but never made the jump to make the permanent move?
Or was it something more? Why was this melancholy feeling lingering during such
a happy moment in my life?
On our first day back from Paris, I saw the words “Trust
your struggle” painted by our house – and it dawned on me.
In the past two years, a lot has happened for me. Naturally,
there were negatives, but also a lot of amaaazzing positive life changing
events – I graduated college, met my wonderful boyfriend, Chris, finally found
a secure steady job where I could begin to save money and pay off bills, moved
into a beautiful home with Chris that we are enjoying together and slowly
making our own, took up new hobbies like biking and met amazing people through
it, went to Paris (my dream!) and Amsterdam, etc. I feel very lucky for all
these things I can list and am so proud I’ve made it this far. Yet, for some
reason I still feel this inner struggle to improve and grow, and I’m not quite
satisfied enough with these accomplishments. Through out everything, I’ve been
feeling like there is something bigger missing on this path to becoming a more
grown up me.
I often don’t like to pay attention to it, but in the past
two years there was another major life changing event for me. My father was
killed in a plane crash on Mother’s day – a few months before I was to graduate
college and embark on my adult life. When I lost him, I was devastated and
shortly after I stopped focusing on my lifelong dreams to make a future with my
art. I only worked hard enough to do a good job finishing up school, and my
main concern suddenly became not my future and dreams – but trying to somehow
remain happy in the moment of today. Since then I have grown a lot, and this
strategy has taught me a lot about loving myself and making the most of every
moment… However, there is still this feeing of unrest inside of me as time is
passing every day. Something is not right – and I think that something is the
inner me struggling to not forget about my dreams.
The trip, the goals I’ve accomplished this year, the ups and
downs of the past two years - it all
has been an amazing journey – and with much thinking, I’m ready to plan for
something bigger. I finally feel like I’m at a place in my life where I’m able
to address it all and take action.
A list of things I hope to accomplish by the end of 2009:
- Take better care of myself health wise
- Better utilizing my blog and website
- Continue working on my portfolio and make a press kit for
galleries
- Have more art in galleries
- Treat my passions more like a high priority than a maybe
- Form a local art group of girls
- Finish my first collage journal
- Tidy up my life
These aren’t wild or hard to reach goals I think, but they
ultimately are leading up to my final goal which I hope to complete by 2010 –
which is to be able to make a living from my art. This concept is the scariest
to grasp because it seems so far far away, but I am finally ready to believe in
myself and what I truly want!
This is a somewhat personal blog entry for me, but I feel it
is good to share things in case someone out there is going through a similar
struggle. I haven’t met too many people in the past two years who have had
similar hardships, but I think we all share the same common hope to accomplish
our dreams. If you’re currently making a plan for the future, please share – I
always find it inspiring to hear about other people’s progress. And I’ll be
documenting my progress here as I move towards the end of 2009! Wish me luck!!
A few inspiring blog articles to get you thinking:
- Letting go of the space between by Decor8
- 7 reasons why you should pursue your own projects by Freelance
Switch
- 7 ways to accelerate your journey to success by Positivity
Blog
- It’s not about them, its about you: How to keep a positive
perspective in life by Nubby Twiglet
- Motivation by Gala Darling
Sidenote: after doing research online - I discovered the above graffiti that inspired me was probably made by the Trust your struggle collective group. Looks like they are doing amazing work - check it out.
